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How to Support Your Loved Ones as They Navigate Fertility Challenges

Joe Cody

Hands clasped in support

1 in 6 people will experience fertility problems. That means you know lots of women and men who are struggling–even if you don’t know you know! Infertility is an incredibly complex journey, full of emotional, financial, and social challenges. It is often an overwhelming and isolating journey.  If someone you love, like your spouse, partner, sibling, child, or friend, is facing infertility, your support can make an enormous difference.


Grain Fertility has put together a wonderful guide to shed some light on what they may be experiencing, and help you understand the various ways you can show your support. It is important to remember, however, that there is no single right way to show support, and every woman and man has different needs and preferences. 


The Fertility Journey

Fertility issues extend way beyond the physical fact of not being able to conceive. They seep into every bit of a person’s life: mental, emotional, social, and financial. It’s a deeply personal, and for many, a rather private journey. Each month can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions as they move from hope and anticipation to yet more heartbreak. Being aware of this continuous cycle can help you offer compassionate and mindful support.


It’s also good to be aware of the fact that fertility problems don’t generally have quick fixes, and that no outcome is guaranteed. Couples spend many months to many, many years trying different fertility treatments, often making significant lifestyle adjustments as they go. 


While there are many fertility treatments available, the most talked about is perhaps IVF, or in-vitro fertilization. If you’re not familiar with IVF,  Grain Fertility has also written a fantastic outline of the basic IVF process. It’s an important read for anyone who wishes to support an individual or couple undergoing IVF. (link to the article on my site)



Tips For Supporting Your Loved One


Don’t Force Conversation

Let your loved one know you’re there to listen without pushing them to share more than they’d like. Some people want to talk about every detail, while others prefer not to talk about it at all. Respecting their boundaries is one of the most powerful and useful forms of support.


Offer Some Help

There’s a lot to keep track of when it comes to fertility–appointments, medical bills, insurance claims–and that is both time-consuming and stressful. Offering to help organize or manage schedules can be really appreciated by some people. In addition, simple errands like grocery shopping or helping out around the house can give your loved-one a well-deserved break which they can use to take care of themselves. 


Emotional Support

Most fertility treatments involve hormone medications, and they can have side effects like mood swings, fatigue, and anxiety. It’s important to remain patient, and not get frustrated or judgemental with your loved one–you want them to feel supported no matter what. And don’t forget the partners and families! Fertility treatments are hard on everyone involved, so be sure to consider everyone’s feelings as they move through their journey. 


Don’t Give Advice Unless You’re Asked

People usually mean well when they make suggestions like, “just relax,” or “everything happens for a reason,” but those comments don’t demonstrate any understanding of what it’s really like to struggle with fertility problems. And advice like, “I know someone who tried X, and got pregnant right away,” is usually not well received, either. A better approach is to just acknowledge their feelings: “I can only imagine how hard this must be.” If they’d like any specific advice, they will certainly ask for it! 


Managing Stress

As we’ve already discussed, fertility problems are stress-provoking, but that stress comes from several sources. There can be financial stress caused by the high cost of fertility treatment, social stress caused by large gatherings that are potentially awkward and uncomfortable, and medical stress caused by visits to the doctor and/or phone calls with the fertility clinic. Here are a few tips for dealing with these various stressors:

  • If you’d like to help out financially, you can certainly ask how you could help. Just remember that money is a delicate topic!

  • Instead of offering monetary support, you could also offer to help research the grants and financial aid that exist for people needing fertility treatments.

  • When it comes to events like holidays, baby showers, and other large family get-togethers, be supportive of your loved one if they decide not to go.

  • Understand that events with large numbers of babies and small children might be especially difficult.

  • In some cases it might be appropriate to ask if your loved one would like you to come with them to doctor appointments. You can also let them know that you’d be happy to talk afterward if that would be helpful.

  • When you’re not sure what your loved one wants, or how they would like to be supported, just ask! 


The Most Important Thing is Compassion!

Overall, it’s important to be patient, compassionate, and empathetic with your loved one. Just knowing that they have someone in their corner who isn’t judging and who will always be there for them can make a tremendous difference. Navigating fertility issues is hard, but the right support can go a long way!



About Grain Fertility

At Grain Fertility, we know how isolating and overwhelming the fertility journey can be for people. Founded by an IVF dad who went through a 4-year IVF journey with his wife, Grain Fertility offers patients the support they need during their fertility journey. The Grain Fertility application provides patients with a single, secure location to access, organize, and use the important information they are given during their journey so they can stay on top of what matters most. Grain Fertility offers one on one coaching and personalized resources to help ensure fertility patients have the support they need so they can make the most informed decisions and focus on what matters most: their care.


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