top of page

Stop Letting Numbers Mess With Your Mind On Your Fertility Journey

Becky

Stop Letting Numbers Mess With Your Mind on Your Fertility Journey, and a picture of a stethoscope and medical chart.

Today we’re going to talk about some numbers. Not so much what they do mean, but more about what they don’t mean when it comes to your fertility.


I know that many of you who are reading this are 35 or older, and have been lovingly told by your doctor that you’d better get to it, because time is running out. Many others of you have heard that your anti mullerian hormone levels (AMH) are too low, and you don’t have a lot of “good” eggs left. And then there are those of you who have hit the jackpot and are both older and have low AMH.


Here’s what I’d like to say, and then I’ll elaborate:


Don’t put too much stock in these numbers. It ends up just being a colossal mind-f&%$. 


Why do I say that?


We’re all different! 


Everyone’s body is different, and no doctor can look at your age, or your hormone test results and make a 100% certain statement about whether you will or will not be able to get pregnant. They rely on data that has been collected from many, many women, and then averaged. For example: of all women over the age of 37 who were trying to get pregnant, how many conceived in the past two years? Or what is the rate of conception among women with an AMH level of .5-.75 over the past 10 years? 


You are an individual, not an averaged out number. So you should think of these numbers more like guideposts: they give you some information that can be helpful for figuring out how to proceed. But they cannot, and they do not, give you the full story.


A short digression…


For all those of you who have been told that your AMH is low, just remember that, as the Cleveland Clinic states, “While AMH is connected to your egg count, it doesn’t predict your fertility (with or without treatments), or when you’ll go through menopause.” As in, AMH only speaks to the quantity of eggs, but not their quality. It’s a pretty important distinction.


Roadblocks, Roadblocks, Roadblocks


Once you get it in your head that there’s a problem with your age, your AMH, or really anything else, it often becomes a recurring negative thought. And negative thoughts become limiting thoughts. In other words, you throw a huge roadblock up in front of yourself!  


Believe it or not, your body takes cues from your mind. And those negative, limiting thoughts stop your body in its tracks. It’s kind of like your body says, “Well, if she says I’m too old/don’t have enough eggs/etc., then I guess that must be true.” And that’s the end of it. 


Turning Those Limiting Thoughts Around


Two of my favorite tools for tearing those metaphorical roadblocks down are affirmations and “what if” questions. Let’s take a look at each.


Affirmations

The word affirm has several definitions, including “to state something as fact,” and “to offer emotional support and encouragement.” What we do when we create affirmations for ourselves is essentially a combination of both those definitions–we want to create and then state a new, more helpful fact, and we do this to encourage and support ourselves through the fertility process. Kind of nifty, right?! 


Let’s see how this works with the basic age-related thought of, “I’m too old, and it’s going to be very difficult for me to get pregnant.” Turn it on its head and you get something like: “Getting pregnant won’t be any more difficult for me than it would be if I were younger.” 


Two basic truths of affirmations, however, are that they have to be realistic, and you do actually have to believe them. That first part is pretty self explanatory, but here’s a quick example: if you’ve had a fallopian tube removed. “I will regrow my fallopian tube,” is not a good affirmation because it affirms an impossibility.


If you find that you don’t buy into the first affirmation you write, keep trying. You could phrase an age-related affirmation in any of the following ways:


“I believe that my body is strong and capable of amazing things.”

“I believe that I am much more than just numbers.”

"I am open to the possibility of a healthy and joyful pregnancy at the perfect time for me."


And using your own unique perspective, there are so many other possibilities!


What-If Questions

Sometimes a little bit of curiosity is a good starting point for shifting your mindset, and “what if” questions can help. When you’re stuck in a loop of negative, limiting thoughts, simply asking “what if” can interrupt that pattern. It takes you from a focus on worst-case scenarios, to considering alternatives 


“What if” questions open the door to possibility. When you’ve been stuck in a loop of negative or limiting beliefs—like feeling your age or AMH levels are insurmountable barriers—asking a simple, curiosity-driven question can interrupt that pattern. Instead of focusing on worst-case scenarios, “what if” questions help you notice alternatives that you might not have entertained. For example: What if my body is stronger and more capable than I think? or What if there are things I can do to boost my chances, no matter what my numbers say?


The beauty of these questions is that they create some space for hope and optimism, but there’s nothing you have to buy into–you’re just asking a question and giving your mind a chance to explore. And that alone is enough to reduce your stress and support your body.


Remember, you are so, so much more than your age or a set of numbers on a test result. Shifting your mindset from fear and limitation to curiosity and possibility can make a world of difference on your fertility journey.


If you're ready to feel calm, confident, and in control as you navigate this process, I'd love to support you. Let's connect and chat about how you can have a more empowered and positive fertility journey.

2 views
bottom of page