When IVF Isn't Right For You (Right Now).

You’ve had a full fertility workup, been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, and your fertility doctor has suggested that you give IVF a try. But you’re not really sold–you’re not sure you want to jump right to the highest level of intervention, you’re not sure you want to put yourself through it physically and emotionally, and you’re not sure you want to spend all that money on something that isn’t guaranteed to work.

I totally hear you! And guess, what? You’re not alone! Making the decision to turn to IVF can be a tough one for a lot of people.

The next logical question then is, “If I don’t do IVF, what else can I do that will give me a shot at getting pregnant on my own?” Stick around for a bit, and let’s talk about that.

There’s Nothing Wrong With IVF

Before we go any further, I want to be totally clear on my position toward IVF: there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s a miraculous tool that has helped so many women become mothers who would never have had the chance otherwise. And if, after reading this, you decide that you want to pursue IVF, I will certainly not think any less of you! (In fact you can sign up for my IUI/IVF Support Plan and I’ll even help you through it!)

But here’s my beef with IVF: in some cases it can be a little bit like using a sledgehammer to push in a thumbtack; like watering a houseplant with a firehose; like hiring a Michelin chef to make toast; like…pretty sure you get the idea…it can just be too much.

Furthermore, because IVF is the primary tool that fertility specialists have at their disposal, if you go to a fertility specialist, they are definitely going to try to sell you on it. Let’s be real for a minute: fertility medicine, and all medicine, is a business at heart. Life-saving and life-changing as that business is, there’s still a lot of money involved. Again, not a dig, just a fact that most of us don’t often consider. 

What’s the Alternative if I Don’t Do IVF?

Well, one alternative is to simply wait and keep trying. There are some studies that show that a significant number of couples dealing with unexplained infertility simply need more time, and eventually they end up getting pregnant on their own. But that's not a very satisfying solution, is it?

The other alternative approach is to take a holistic deep-dive into everything that’s going on in your life. That includes:

• Your stress level, and how you manage that stress.

• How much you sleep.

• How much you exercise.

• What kinds of food you regularly eat.

• What fears you have surrounding pregnancy and motherhood.

• Frequency and timing of intercourse.

• Your support system.

• Your level of patience (or impatience!)

• Your mindset and self-talk.

• And all kinds of other things, too!

It may seem like many of the items I listed have nothing to do with fertility or your reproductive system, but at the end of the day, everything is connected. Everything you do, every thought you have, all your habits–both good and bad, all contribute to your total picture of health and fertility.

This Sounds Interesting. Where Do I Start?

If you’re curious to see what a more holistic approach to your fertility could do for you, I recommend starting with two things:

1. Learn how to tap into your inner voice.

2. Do a mini lifestyle audit.

Tapping Into Your Inner Voice

Whether you like to think of it as the little voice in your head, your gut feeling, or your female intuition, we’ve all got an inner voice that can provide us with invaluable information if we simply learn how to listen to it.

If you’re already aware of your inner voice, then you’ve got a great head start. Your next steps are to actually listen to what it’s telling you and follow its guidance.

If, on the other hand, you don’t have any idea that your inner voice even exists, don’t worry! I promise you that you have one, and that you can learn to tune into it. 

One of the best ways to get started is by getting quiet.

And I don’t just mean turning off the TV or putting your phone down (although yes, definitely do those things too!) I really mean intentionally creating moments of quiet and stillness in your day—moments where you can hear yourself think, and you can actually feel what’s going on inside you.

That might look like sitting down for five minutes in the morning with your hands on your belly and your eyes closed. It might be taking a walk without a podcast or music playing. It might be journaling with no agenda—just letting your thoughts flow and seeing what comes out. It might even be something as simple as taking three slow, deep breaths before making a decision.

The key is to build space for your thoughts and feelings to rise to the surface. Your inner voice doesn’t often shout. It usually whispers. So the quieter you can get, the easier it is to hear.

And when you do hear something—something that feels like the truth, even if it doesn’t make logical sense—try not to dismiss it. That gentle tug, that feeling in your chest or stomach, that thought that keeps floating back to you again and again? That’s your inner voice. That’s the part of you that already knows what’s right for you, even if no one else gets it.

So if your inner voice is saying “wait,” or “there’s another way,” or simply “not yet”…listen. You don’t need to justify it. You don’t need to explain it to anyone. Your fertility journey is deeply personal, and you’re allowed to pick your own path.

And in my experience, your inner voice will never lead you astray.

Your Mini Lifestyle Audit

When I start working with a new client, one of the first things we do at our very first session is to go through a questionnaire all about lifestyle, mindset, self-talk, etc. I’ve created a version of this questionnaire for you to download and go through on your own. 

It’s not necessarily an exhaustive list of everything that we would talk about in that first session. It will, however, give you a good idea of where there might be room for improvements that will not only increase your fertility naturally, but will also help you feel calmer and more confident as you move through your journey.

Once you’ve downloaded it and taken some time to reflect on, and answer, the questions, I’d love to know what insight you gained. I’m in your corner rooting for you, and I’m looking forward to hearing from you!